Author: swansong26

At the time of writing, the world is in the middle of a pandemic. The COVID-19 virus has been the focus of the media every day and the topic of nearly every conversation amongst coworkers, family and friends. It’s a serious thing, and of course we should all be careful to protect ourselves and those more vulnerable around us, but what is really bugging me is the impact that these constant news updates and fearmongering is having on our mental health.

I am taking an extended break from work at the moment as there isn’t enough for all of us in the office to do. It’s all well and good taking time off, but how do you avoid the constant negativity that this virus is causing? We’re being told to self-isolate to stop the virus spreading, even if we don’t have any symptoms (and I don’t) which is fine, but if everyone self-isolates how can long can businesses survive for? This could have long-term damaging economic effects, and the uncertainty can cause extreme anxiety for some people. People don’t know if their jobs are safe any more or if they’ll be able to pay their bills. People I know have parents or children with various health issues and are worried about them.

The weird thing is though, I don’t actually feel all that anxious. I don’t know if it’s my medication or if I’m just optimistic that this will all be over in a matter of weeks rather than months as the news channels would have us believe. I hope I’m right anyway, as the statistics show that the recovery rate from this illness is over 90% globally (source: worldometers.info).

Other people with mental health issues might not be as optimistic as me though, and that’s something the media really needs to think about. Apart from anxiety, this constant news feed can cause paranoia, depression, loneliness and all kinds of other debilitating problems.

We all just need to calm down a bit, stop panic-buying, think of other people, focus on what’s happening right now rather than on what ‘could’ happen and switch off the news.

I’ve not been around here much over the last few months but that’s because I started a new job back in October and since then, things have been relatively stable with my Cyclothymia.

I am working as an administration assistant for a company that analyses medical data and that’s really all I’m allowed to say, as they are very strict on confidentiality. I’m enjoying the job – it’s always busy but not stressfully busy, and I’m pretty much left to get on with it. I find I work much better that way – leave me alone to figure it out for myself and I’m fine. Keep interfering and ‘suggesting’ ways to do something differently = bloody annoying.

My circle of trust has significantly decreased since leaving my last job. I’m not going to be unfriendly, but I don’t want to make any new friends. There is a girl who started at this job on the same day as me, and we get on ok, but there’s definitely a huge generation gap. She’s 27, I’m 50 next month. She talks about things I have no interest in whatsoever, and I must seem as old as the dinosaurs to her when I talk about 80’s music! She asked who sang ‘Tiny Dancer’ the other week so I said ‘Elton John.’ She found this hilarious as she meant the cover verson. I didn’t know there was a cover version,and in any case, I wasn’t wrong!

I do not trust anyone in a management position now. They tell you one thing and do the complete opposite, and they are only interested in themselves. They’d throw you under the bus given half the chance. I’ve had three probation reviews at my new job and although they’ve all gone well and I’ve received some really good feedback, I’m still not 100% convinced they mean it.

I have told them about my mental health issues and explained very briefly what it means, but there’s still that nagging doubt in my mind that one meltdown will be one too many and I’ll be right back to square one again. Seriously, if that happens then I am never working again.

I said at the beginning that my Cyclothymia had been relatively stable since leaving my other job. Well I’ve had a few small wobbly moments when I’ve felt a bit paranoid or anxious. I just don’t want it becoming a ‘thing’ again. I don’t care what people say about opening up about mental health, it’s still very much misunderstood in the workplace, and my problems are purely related to the amount of pressure I’m under.

If there’s no pressure, then I’m fine and I can manage my emotions, thoughts and reactions. I need that space to feel able to figure things out in my own time.

Well I have been a bit rubbish at keeping this updated recently but that’s mainly due to the fact that for the last five weeks I’ve done nothing but look for a new job. I’m glad to say the search is over, and I start a brand new job as an admin assistant for a healthcare company next week.

I’m nervous and excited naturally, but there’s also the added question of ‘When and what do I tell them about my mental health?’ I’m not sure it’s a good idea to wait until I have a meltdown and then tell them – I can hear it now, ‘Well why didn’t you tell us earlier? We could have helped you!’ but at the same time I don’t want them to think ‘Oh, are you going to find this job too stressful? You know where the door is then.’

It’s a difficult one. We’re always being told to be more open and honest about mental illness, but there’s still that uncertainty of whether you should tell anyone and whether they’ll think differently about you.

I just don’t want to screw this up. I tried so hard in my last job but I just couldn’t do it. My self-confidence went down the drain and I realised for the first time in my life that I can’t do some of the things I thought I could do. It’s frustrating because I see everyone else being naturally confident and not letting things get to them. I went for almost 50 years not knowing why, but at least now I know.

The things I’ve learnt from finding out my condition and how it affected me are that I need to remember not to put too much pressure on myself. I won’t be expected to do anything difficult in the first few weeks. I CAN pass probation this time. I need to take feedback in a positive and constructive way, and stop bloody crying!

I’ll be fine. Hopefully.

I have had a go at refreshing the look of this blog to try and make it look a bit more professional. I prefer the new font and layout…I think!

So how’s the job hunting going, I hear you ask? Well it’s going slowly. I have spent the morning emailing lots of different companies near where I live to just enquire if they have anything on the off-chance. You never know.

I have to remain optimistic that something will turn up because it usually does. I have a meeting at the JobCentre on Tuesday about my application for Universal Credit and having heard so many bad things about it, I am a little nervous. I have just had a look on the Money Saving Expert website however and there are a couple of positive stories on there. I guess it’s like anything – if things are working well, nobody comments which is why you only hear about the bad stuff.

There was almost a little ‘wobble’ last night when I was talking to my housemate about how bored and fed up I am. I honestly don’t know how people stay out of work (unless they’re ill obviously) for months or years on end. How do they not end up driving themselves up the wall? It’s only been a few weeks for me and that’s bad enough.

Starting a new job can be daunting but for those of us with mental health issues it can cause more problems. Do we tell them, and if so when? How much do we tell them? How will they respond? Will it put us at a disadvantage? There are many questions surrounding this so I thought I would do a little research.

Obviously it’s a personal choice whether you tell your employer and how much you disclose, but employers have a legal responsibility not to treat you any differently to anyone else. My experience tells me that some companies and organisations are clearly better at this than others, and times are slowly changing but more still needs to be done.

Many companies now have an obligation under the Equal Rights Act 2010 to make ‘reasonable adjustments’ for employees which can be helpful, such as allowing you to start later in the morning, having your own regular desk space or working from home. It’s important to note that under the Equal Rights Act 2010, mental illness is classed as a disability so you can seek legal advice if you feel unsupported in the workplace. I wish I’d known that a few years ago.

The website https://www.time-to-change.org.uk has lots of useful advice for both employers and employees regarding mental health in the workplace.

As many as one in three people will experience some kind of mental illness at some time, whether it’s stress, anxiety, depression, bereavement or something else. The only way the stigma is going to end is by talking about it in the same way that we talk about physical illnesses.

The Health and Safety Executive (HSE) states on their website that over 11 million working days are lost due to stress in the workplace in a year. So if more is being done to tackle mental illness in the workplace, why is that number so staggeringly high? With me, stress exacerbated my already underlying condition and I expect a lot of other people could be in a similar situation.

Job-hunting is stressful enough but with a disorder like Cyclothymia it really is a struggle. I’ve been out of work now for just over two weeks and it feels like two months. I’m going online everyday looking for jobs and applying to quite a few, but a lot of them state that they want someone who can deal with pressure or has an ability to work on their initiative.

Now I’m sure that would only be a small part of the job, but just reading those words in the advert cause me anxiety. What if I got the job and then let the company down by getting stressed? I’d be right back to square one again.

I had a call today about a potential job but I could tell straight away it wasn’t for me. I had two calls yesterday and they would have been worth considering, had they not been so far away from my home (both were about an hours’ bus journey away and I’d be spending almost £100 a month just on travel).

I don’t want to just accept the first job that comes along (Hello, Sitel – what a disaster that was!) but I also don’t want to appear too fussy. I really want to do something more clerical than customer service based, but at the moment jobs like that are few and far between.

I’m also still doing some research into either setting up as an events planner or a professional blogger. I’m still finding my way with that at the moment and no doubt my blog looks very amateur compared to others, but I’m doing my best with what I’ve got.

I’m now offering my services as a blogger on Fiverr. I can write blog articles similar to the ones here based on mental health in the workplace and my tips on how to survive. If you would like me to write an article for you please click on the link below:

https://www.fiverr.com/helenjayne9/write-articles-on-mental-health-in-the-workplace

I was talking to myself for some time this morning about setting up a business with my friend. I haven’t even spoken to her about it yet, so I don’t know if she even wants to do it, but I had already figured out in my mind what each of our roles would be. I can’t get this idea out of my head that we should definitely give this a go because neither of us has got anything to lose. I just have no idea of how to write a business plan or do the financial projections. I think I have a basic idea, as I’ve organised small music events before and quite enjoyed it. I have a couple of other friends who would be willing to help out as well so I wouldn’t be entirely on my own.

I just worry that this is a hypomanic phase because I always seem to get very ambitious when I’m like this. Nothing seems impossible and I have a million ideas floating around inside my head at any given time. I’ve been doing a lot of research online into setting up a small business and I know it won’t be easy and we won’t make a lot of money overnight, but what are my options right now? Carry on working for people who pretend to care about me and end up being let down time after time, or do I actually put myself first for a change?

I’ve been away for a few days following my favourite singer around the UK on his latest tour. I saw him four times in total (it was going to be five but yesterday I didn’t feel too good so I came home) and it was really good fun. I’ve been following him for years and so he knows me and it was good to have a little chat with him each day during the sound-checks.

Mental-health wise I’ve not been too bad considering having to travel by myself and find my own way to hotels and venues, etc. The only time I had a mild wobble was when I suddenly thought I’d got into a dodgy taxi in Cardiff after the gig as he seemed to be taking me all around the houses to get to my hotel. The driver’s mood changed when I confronted him and made sure we were definitely going in the right direction, which freaked me out a little bit. This may have had something to do with my decision to come home, I don’t know.

Anyway I now have to think about what I want to do for the rest of my life. I’m now unemployed and quite possibly unemployable. I have to go to the doctor this week to find out what my options are regarding benefits and stuff as I have literally no idea where to start. I also quite fancy going into business with my friend, as she’s recently given up her job after being treated like crap by her bosses. It would be hard work, but at least we can do what we want to do.

I’m looking at job advertisements online and I have yet to see anything that makes me think ‘Oh yeah, I’d really like to do that!’ They all want people who can use their initiative and cope well under pressure. Well that’s me out then. I wouldn’t even be asked for an interview if those are the basic criteria. I have applied for a couple of jobs, but I’m not confident.

People are telling me that I deserve to take some time out and not rush into the first job that comes along. I’ve done that before and that really did not work out well. Two months later I took myself to hospital as I was having a complete meltdown. I was convinced that the team leaders at this place I was working were conspiring against each other about me. One was saying I was doing really well, and the other was saying (in not so many words) ‘If you don’t like it, you know where the door is.’ I couldn’t cope with being there anymore, so I got up and walked out while I still had a customer on the phone. At the hospital they couldn’t really do anything for me of course, but I just sat and talked to a lovely nurse who thought there might be some underlying mental health issues. Turns out she was right!

What gets me is that mental health is the ‘hot topic’ right now. It’s what everyone is talking about and saying how important it is for companies and managers to recognise the signs when employees are behaving out of character. I thought things were changing, as ten years ago I lost count of the number of disciplinary hearings I had to endure because I’d been unable to cope. In my most recent job I thought I had lots of support and encouragement but it was all false. It was just so that they (the organisation I worked for) could tick a few boxes and say they had done this or that to support people with mental health issues. Managers and companies don’t really care, because every minute they spend with you asking why you’re depressed or don’t feel like answering the phone today, theyre not doing the ‘important stuff’. That is literally all they care about. It’s all fake.

So that’s why I want to go into business for myself or with my friend. Big bosses have screwed me over once too often now. I’m nearly 50 and I’ve had enough of being lulled into a false sense of security only to be made to feel like an idiot for trusting them. If I ever had someone working for me who had a tiny fraction of the problems I’ve had, I would make sure I looked after them.

I’m going away for a few days tomorrow and while I’m excited at the thought of seeing certain people, I’m also slightly nervous about going. I’ve got everything ready, and I’ve done this sort of thing a hundred times before so I know I’ll have fun when I get there.

It’s just the family stuff just seems more important this year. If I’ve learnt anything this week , it’s never EVER take anything or anyone for granted.