Well I have been a bit rubbish at keeping this updated recently but that’s mainly due to the fact that for the last five weeks I’ve done nothing but look for a new job. I’m glad to say the search is over, and I start a brand new job as an admin assistant for a healthcare company next week.
I’m nervous and excited naturally, but there’s also the added question of ‘When and what do I tell them about my mental health?’ I’m not sure it’s a good idea to wait until I have a meltdown and then tell them – I can hear it now, ‘Well why didn’t you tell us earlier? We could have helped you!’ but at the same time I don’t want them to think ‘Oh, are you going to find this job too stressful? You know where the door is then.’
It’s a difficult one. We’re always being told to be more open and honest about mental illness, but there’s still that uncertainty of whether you should tell anyone and whether they’ll think differently about you.
I just don’t want to screw this up. I tried so hard in my last job but I just couldn’t do it. My self-confidence went down the drain and I realised for the first time in my life that I can’t do some of the things I thought I could do. It’s frustrating because I see everyone else being naturally confident and not letting things get to them. I went for almost 50 years not knowing why, but at least now I know.
The things I’ve learnt from finding out my condition and how it affected me are that I need to remember not to put too much pressure on myself. I won’t be expected to do anything difficult in the first few weeks. I CAN pass probation this time. I need to take feedback in a positive and constructive way, and stop bloody crying!
I’ll be fine. Hopefully.
The Vicious Cycle 